Anal Play and Pegging for beginners

There are lots of beginner anal play articles on the Internet, which all seem to have been copied and pasted giving the same advice. This one is written by Vicky of Bondatrix, giving advice based on 20 years on the bdsm scene, based on all sorts of anal kink play.

How to get started

With anal play lube is your friend. Use plenty of lube on the toy and the person, and if it’s a long session reapply during the play. Ensure the lube is suitable for the toy (silicone lube shouldn’t be used with silicone toys). Build up gradually. If you are new to anal play or haven’t done it in a while start small. Use a small thin toy or a finger to explore and see how it feels and help the muscles to relax and get used to something there. And if you don’t get beyond that small toy that is not a problem. The idea is for it to feel good, it’s not a size competition. (Always use toys designed for anal play and with a flared base – you do not want to lose the toy and have to got to hospital for extraction!)

Bear in mind that if you keep a plug in while doing other play you may relax further over time so the toy might fall out, your body might push it out, or worse if it only has a small base it might suck it inside, so never forget the toy is there and keep an eye on it. To avoid mess have something underneath you which is wipe clean incase it falls out (how about the Bondatrix BED SHEET). To avoid it getting sucked inside choose a toy with a large flared base which is much larger than the toy inside until you learn which size toys work for your body and what it tends to do over time.

The absolute number one thing with anal play is to not force anything. If something feels wrong or incredibly painful it means stop. It doesn’t matter if you’re the slave and meant to be suffering, anal play can cause serious damage so you should always communicate if it feels wrong or very painful and the Dominant should always stop and assess. The skin is very delicate and easy to tear. The good news is it also heals quickly so its rare this will lead to any further issues, but it’s not sexy and can spoil the mood, and may mean a few days off from play to heal. A lot of articles just talk about lots of lube and relaxation and you can take anything, but this isn’t the case for everyone and anal play should always be assessed on a person by person basis and even a day to day basis. Just because you could take the extra large plug last week, doesn’t necessarily mean your body can this week. If there is more than a few spots of blood or severe discomfort after play consult a doctor, especially if you still have issues after a day or two (or go to A and E if it’s feels serious or there’s lots of blood or pain). Doctors will never judge and will be able to assess whether you just need a few days off play or if there is something greater to fix.

Having fun and learning what you like

Experimentation is key with anal play. Different things work for different people, so try things out until you figure out what you enjoy. Some people like anal play with nothing else being stimulated so they can focus on the sensations and breathe and relax. Other people find it easier to relax their anus if they are sexually excited and stimulated from clamps, vibes, hands and lots is happening at once. There are lots of different shapes, sizes and materials used to make anal toys because different people like different things. Some people love a cool metal toy and find the coldness helps make the are feel very slightly numb and easier to put the plug in, while others find the cold a turn off and makes them clench. Silicone is a popular choice as it does not have much of a temperature variation from the body, and can easily be made into a lot of different shapes of toys. Top tip – some people find anal toys much easier to insert with a condom on (and plenty of lube on the condom). It provides a smoother sensation for insertion and extraction. It also has the side benefit of making clean up much quicker and easier – take the condom off and the toys just need a basic clean. One particularly fun plug I have found is ones with an internal ball. These have a hollow cavity inside with a metal ball in, so movement creates a sensation inside which can really enhance sex, a spanking, or even going for a run/climbing stairs.

Experiment with removing the toy at different times, as this will provide different feelings and find out which you enjoy. Some people enjoy the toy for a while during other kinky or sexy play but can find it distracting after a while so prefer it to not be in the whole time. Some people enjoy it being removed at the point of orgasm and find this adds to the intensity, while others find it distracting being removed at this moment. Some people find they enjoy a plug staying in for a while afterwards to continue to give them a nice sense of fullness after the play has finished, which others find it gets painful at this point.

Take as much care removing the toy as you do with inserting it. With flared toys particularly you can be as likely to do as much damage at this point so take it carefully until you are used to your body’s reactions and know which toys you enjoy. Reapply lube as much as needed at this point, particularly to the body if you are finding it difficult to remove.

For vagina owners, having a plug inside their ass will make their vagina tighter, so this can provide a different sensation for their partner or to combine with their regular dildo, and can be fun to experiment with.

Pegging for beginners

Pegging is becoming increasing popular. It’s a great power exchange, and a new sensation for many people to experience. All the advice in this article applies – plenty of lube, start small, experiment and communicate. With pegging particularly it can be easy for the top to get carried away as it is a powerful, sexy experience. It is important to stay focussed on the person receiving – their body language, how relaxed they seem, sounds they are making, speed of their breathing. 

Some penis owners will find their prostrate stimulated and be able to orgasm from this, but equally many cannot but still can enjoy the experience and find it very rewarding. Do not have a set goal in mind, as long as you both enjoy the experience it does not matter whether it ends in orgasm. 

You may want to add a Ds dynamic and think I’m talking too much about taking it slow for the sub and being careful and gentle. When you get used to each other you will learn how to make it seem less gentle and caring, but it is always important to be aware it is easy to cause damage and be careful with this type of play. If you are spanking someone and they moan it hurts (but haven’t safeworded) it’s much easier to ignore them and carry on without doing any damage. If you want to combine pegging with a gag this can be a lot of fun, but ensure it is not your first time with this person so you already have some experience at reading their body language, have a fair idea what they can take, and give them a way they can still safeword/get your attention even with the gag in. 

Cleanliness and aftercare

Enemas and cleanliness. It seems every article I read online talks about how you have to have an enema in order to play with an anal toy. This is not the case. Enemas can be awkward to administer, strip away some of your body’s natural defences making it more likely to cause damage during anal play (or you can damage yourself during the enema), can be uncomfortable to administer so not good foreplay, and time consuming. The benefit is they clean you inside so toys will stay cleaner during anal play, and this makes some people feel more confident at letting their play partner do anal play with them. But they should always been seen as optional, to decide between you and your partner.

What you should always do is aim to be clean from any previous toileting – make sure you have showered recently, and wiped thoroughly if you have used the toilet since.

Anything used for anal play will need a thorough clean afterwards. You can make this easier by slipping a condom on any anal toys first (even fingers). Clean yourself thoroughly well as well, and remember you have probably had a lot of lube pushed inside you during the play which will gradually come out over the next couple of hours, so it might not be best to wear your favourite underwear immediately afterwards. Air may have been pushed inside you too, especially with pegging or anal sex, so you may fart a lot over the next couple of hours – this is perfectly normal, but perhaps something to bear in mind if you’re going out for dinner with the in-laws straight after or have an important meeting at work! As with all sex toys it is best to have toys that are fluid bonded to you (especially if you haven’t used  condoms on the toys), and to have toys which are just used for anal play due to the amount of bacteria in your body.